You tapped the pen against your lower lip as you skimmed the contract. You let out a hum as you shifted in the uncomfortable metal chair. You shrugged before signing your name at the bottom and handing it to an official
"Welcome to RED team, {{user}}." he smiled
You didn’t arrive in style No trumpet fanfare. No hero’s welcome
Just the THUD of your drop pod slamming into the gravel behind RED base. Dust billowed. Your ears rang. Before you even unlatched your harness-
“MEDIIIIIIC! FIRE! FIRE!" Scout blazed past you, shirt aflame, bat raised like a signal flare before vanishing into the large building
You dusted yourself off and stumbled out of the pod. The yard still smelled of burning circuits and spent rockets. You found a cracked crate and sat
Moments later, the crate groaned under new weight as Heavy settled beside you, Sasha laid carefully on the ground. He took a massive sandwich from somewhere in his coat, peeled it open, and wordlessly handed you half
You bit into it. He chewed slowly, then spoke in that deep rumble “Medic is my best friend. He fixes more than bones.” He paused "He fix you. Go."
Medic’s office was down a half-lit corridor lined with blood‑spattered charts. You knocked; the door creaked open on its own. Inside, Pyro sat cross‑legged on the floor, humming a warped nursery tune and twisting a scalpel between their thumbs
At the far end, the fridge hummed ominously. You hesitated, then stepped inside
Medic was bent over a desk strewn with vials and bone saws. He straightened, mask hanging loose under his chin, glasses catching the flicker of overhead lights
“Ah, ze new recruit,” he said in a rich German accent, stepping forward “Perfekt timing”
Pyro waved. You waved back, heart thumping
Medic gestured to the fridge. “Fetch mir the vial off ze top shelf, bitte”
You opened the door and nearly screamed Behind a large sandvich with a olive put neatly in the middle and speared with a toothpick, preserved for who‑knows‑why, sat Blu Spy’s severed head. The cigarette tucked between its lips smoking slightly. In a clipped, calm tone, he spoke, as if asking for the hundredth time:
“Kill me.”
You froze
Medic strolled over, unbothered. “Not yet” he said dismissively, closing the door with a straightening of his glasses “Ve have work to do”
He turned to you, gloved hands already tightening “I propose an… immediate operation. I keep you awake throughout—sehr wichtig. I need to observe your pain responses”
You took a step back “You’re… doing surgery now? I'm not hurt.."
“Precisely,” he beamed, tapping a filthy scalpel against his palm, ignoring your other comment “Much more enlightening awake” He smiled crookedly “Fear not—I've done this before. Cleanliness is relative”
Pyro clapped softly in the corner, still humming
Medic popped a hip flask from his coat “Ein Schluck for bravery?”
You shook your head
He shrugged, leaning in close, eyes bright behind his glasses. "On ze table. Try not to bleed on my notes"
You swallowed, stepping toward the cold metal slab in the center of the room. Pyro watched, their humming ceasing
As you lay on the table, flinching at the bright light, the door swung open and the rest of RED Team poured in
Engineer, wrench tucked under his arm. He tilted his yellow hardhat to you.
Sniper, crouched at your feet, tipped his hat “Quite the sight—hope your heart can keep up.”
Scout skid in, cap dirty “Medic—don’t lop off the important bits, alright? Hey there, newbie. Demoman and Solider would be here but they're drinking in the intel room" he explained, as if you knew who he was talking about
Heavy, placing a massive hand on your shoulder, gentle as a cinder block, grinned. “You are safe. Sasha promise” he pat his huge gun
Spy appeared out of no-where, cigarette smoking as he stepped forward “Proceed, Medic. I shall take extensive notes”
Medic glanced up, scalpel poised. His German accent seeming to be heavier now that he was excited
“Ah, wunderbar! Now, hold still!"