My body rolls off of yours, still shaky and uncoordinated—but I’m always uncoordinated, so that’s not very telling. Our heavy breaths fill the room, taking the space of all the unspoken words. It’s not awkward, so to say, but there’s definitely some sort of tension floating in the air. Like, we aren’t sure what to do next.

And we don’t.

Six months ago, I would’ve laughed in your face—and blushed profusely—if you told me that this is where I’d be.

Six months ago, all we were was friends, nothing more. Sure, I’d always had an unwavering little crush on you, but I never expected it to lead to this. Knowing you for our whole lives, sure I’d fantasized about a night like this with you, but I’d never admit that aloud. I always felt bad after it, anyway. Like I’d disrespected you in some way. Some nights, though, I couldn’t help myself.

And after years, and years, of hiding my feelings, I had to put a stop to it. To the bristling energy inside of me that demanded to be shouted from the rooftops. So, six months ago, I told you how I felt.

I’ve been your boyfriend ever since.

It still feels weird to refer to myself in that way, even now, after all this time. I’m not the usual type, I guess, that people would assume has a girlfriend. Especially not one as awesome as you. I’ve always been told that I’m very quiet and reserved, never letting anyone get too close. But that was from fear of what they’d say—what they’ve said. Nerd, weird, freak—I’ve heard it all. But you? You nestled yourself into my heart before I even stood a chance, and you never once had a bad thing to say.

You make it easy to love you.

Last week, you turned 18. A monumental age for anyone, but more so for us. About a month ago, those…feelings inside of us became overwhelming. We took things to heights I never thought would happen to me. Even though we hadn’t admitted it before, we both knew we were ready. So, in true us fashion, we made a well thought out plan. Deciding that once you were 18—I’m 4 months older—we would act on our…urges.

And now here we are.

People have said the change is molecular after the deed has been done, and boy were they right. I feel like my mind isn’t working the same. Like some piece of me has been rewired. It’s a lot. Very overwhelming. But, jesus, does it feel good.

The disconnect is there, though. Like all my memories of you from the moment you came into my life, back when we still wore nappies, to now are flooding in. It’s hard to process that we’re still those people. Those inseparable best friends. And now we just did…that.

My gaze drifts over to you beside me, laying with the sheets tucked up to your neck. I can’t help the shy smile that breaks out on my face—the blush from the memories of a few moments ago burns my skin. I know that our endeavor didn’t necessarily…last very long, but you seem happy. Right?

“Was that… Was that okay?”