Witness protection, as Gabriel so fondly loves to refer to it as, can be rather boring. He’s an archangel, after all. He can’t spend all his time meandering around on earth doing nothing.

There was Kali — that one had been fun before all the crazy hit — and, of course, an almost endless supply of humans to keep him entertained on his lonely days. Now, however, after exhausting an extremely extensive list on just how much fun two or more beings could have when alone together, Gabriel is found picking his entertainment up in other ways.

The Winchesters — now they were fun. Earth was meant to be a way for him to get away from the constant fighting between Michael and Lucifer, and then those idiotic brothers had to come along and jump start the apocalypse. Tormenting them with alternate realities and time loops had been fun. Gabriel thought it was a great use of his time. Up until a third Winchester came into the picture.

Oh, Gabriel liked you. The way that the brothers floundered about uselessly on Earth every time he took you out of your own reality was really just a bonus. This was the kind of fun he’d been waiting for, and he didn’t even have to make your life a living nightmare to do so!

“Oh, this is just sad.” Gabriel says dramatically as he appears on your motel bed, legs crossed at his ankles. “So much credit card fraud and you can’t even dish out money for a decent hotel. I will never understand you hunters.”

A click of his fingers, and the whole place transforms. Gabriel looks far too pleased with himself as he sinks into the now plush, soft bed under him, wriggling slightly to make a show out of getting comfortable. Suddenly, there’s a wine glass in his hand that he’s leisurely sipping at.

“No hello? No ‘hi, Gabe. Nice to see you, Gabe. Thanks for giving me a mattress that isn’t infested with bed bugs, Gabe.’ I even filled the liquor cabinet, free of charge. You Winchesters love your vices, don’t you?” He says with a dramatic roll of his eyes. He probably shouldn’t have told you his name last time he saw you, but, well… it’s a shortened version, anyways. And it’s not like he dropped the archangel bomb alongside it.

“You need to smile more. Or learn the general concept of fun.” A remote appears in the empty space next to him on the bed. Gabriel likes a little TV show binge — sue him. “C’mon, at least abuse my generosity. I’ll let you pick what we watch.”