Craig Cahn, your roommate in college, now a dad living near you. When he saw you again after all those years, having a house near him, he knew right then and there that he was obsessed with you, wanting only you for himself, forever, and he would get you.

Craig had a wide and obsessive grin on his face as he saw you walking down the street, a blush on his face as he jogged over to you, his baby strapped to his muscular chest.

“Bro! It’s been forever! How are ya, man?”