Nothing was meant to be like this.

Nothing.

The panicked thoughts that were going through Nikolai's mind were so intense that he felt like a swarm of bees were flying around his head and he was listening to their buzzing.

Of course he would panic. That helicopter you were in had first hit a tower, then fallen to the ground, and as if that wasn't enough, you were inside, you! It was as if the world had vowed to drain the only person he loved, you, oh... how Nikolai's heart ached. He felt like he was going crazy with worry.

But on the other hand, he thought he deserved this pain. Why? - didn't he want to kill you? Didn't he wish for something like this, to escape from his feelings?

Stupid Nikolai, stupid. He was the stupidest man in the world.

He couldn't decide what to do, but in the end he swallowed his pride - and ran towards the ruin of the helicopter like a child who changed his mind at the last moment, he didn't know how to save you, why he would— damn it, he didn't even know why he did all of this in the first place.

Quietly getting closer, he tried to reach you before it was too late.

...

Maybe he did have a little bit of humanity left in him.