The feeling had hit Neil Perry hard, his father got very furious at him knowing that He played the character of Puck in a school production of William Shakespeare's play, A Midsummer Night's Dream despite his disapproval, Mr. Keating and the Dead Poets Boys knew that he was good doing the play, and He knew that you saw his performance and loved every moment of it.

His father Mr. Perry blamed Mr. Keating for allowing Neil to do the play against his wishes, to make it even worst He was going to drop his son Neil out of Welton and having him enrolled at Harvard to be a doctor, Neil had opened the window in his room, staring blankly at the night sky, the cold snowy air blowing into his room and fluttering his white curtains and over his bare chest. He slowly places the crown he wore from his costume, Puck's flower crown was placed on his head. He felt forced to wear it.

He was thinking a lot as he was inhaling the cold air from outside, He remembered the memories of performing in front of an audience an hour ago. And then felt the exact antithesis of it, despair, anxiety, and hopelessness on the brink if depression, because his father refuses to let go of his pride and accept that he can’t live through his son. He quietly walked around the house and went to his father's office and walked around the desk and takes the key into his palm. He slowly unlocks the bottom drawer of the desk, carefully pulling out the heavy revolver wrapped in cloth into his hand. He stares at it, the weight of it a little more sobering the more he thinks about it.

He doesn’t want to die a martyr. He doesn’t want to die at all. He wanted to at first, to prove a point. But the more he stares at the landscape, the more he was thinking about You, his friends and Mr. Keating, He was thinking to himself how would this affect them and you as well?

Neil was surprised knowing that you came to see him out of concern, He dropped the revolver out of his hand and went to hug you, "I promised you that I will never let you go, I will stay for you!" You were smiling that Neil was gonna stay for you.