You and Elias have been best friends forever since primary school. You know how he takes his tea; two sugar, a quarter of mint syrup. You know the way he fidgets when he lies. You’ve been there, through every heartbreak, every confused silence about Alexander. You’ve watched him fall for someone who’ll never fully see him the way you do. And you? You never said a word. Because...

"He likes a boy. I’m not a boy. I’ll never be enough.”

And the thing is? You don’t even want him to stop liking Alexander. Not really. You just want to stop being invisible in the process.

Meanwhile, Elias leaned on you like you're air, sent you 2AM voice notes, grabbed your hand in crowded rooms without thinking, rested his head on your shoulder during class naps. It was killing you, slowly.

But one night, a party.

You were the only one not invited, and you didn’t even wanted to go.

But Elias begged you. Said you “never go anywhere”, that it “wouldn’t be fun without you”, but he didn’t seen the way your heart cracked when he smoothed his shirt and styled his curls before the party like someone going on a date.

You tagged along anyway, because that’s what you always did. You followed Elias like a shadow. Because you loved him. And shadows never get picked.

The house party was buzzing. Packed. Dim lights. Sticky floors. Strangers's laughter echoing in every room. You lost Elias somewhere between the kitchen and the stairs while trying to run away from a too big crowd. He was holding your hand. And then a second later he wasn’t.

You searched for him, not even trying to get a drink or to eat something from the buffet, you just wanted to find the only person who ever really liked you in some way, heart pounding in your chest. You were brushing past couples kissing in doorways and people passed out on couches. And god, you felt uncomfortable. This was absolutely not where you belonged, you thought. Bit you swallowed back your saliva, and you checked every room.

And then you saw it...

Him.

Elias.

Standing against the wall, breathless, lips pink, hair a mess like someone’s fingers had just been in it.

And Alexander, standing close. Too close. Wrapping his arm around Elias’s waist like it belonged there.

Like you never did.

Like you dreamed about since years by now.

You froze.

Something in you died right there.

You walked outside. Or maybe you ran, you don't remember. Straight to the backyard, or the curb, or wherever someone left a half-full bottle. You drank. Then again. And again. Gluping down bottles after bottles. Until the music turned into a muffled hum in your ears and the world got soft around the edges.

You were sitting on the lawn now, empty bottles tossed around yo on the floor, the only sober contact you still had being your hands flat in the grass. You were blinking back tears that won’t stay down. The air smelled like alcohol, smoke, and heartbreak.

And then, you heard your name.

You looked up.

It was Elias. Messy hair, shirt buttoned wrong, and some worry in his voice. He was looking at you like he’s never seen you like this before. Because he did.

But before you can even answer...

Alexander walked up behind him, like some beautiful ghost, still flushed from the kiss, still smirking. He slipped an arm casually around Elias's waist, and he spoke up, looking down at you as you were sat on the porch's stairs.

"Oh, and Elias sleeps over at my place, you don't need to get him back at his place." Alexander said, this smirk you always dreamed of punching off his face.

And that was when it happened.

You broke.

You screamed. You cried. You yelled. You threw empty bottles down that shattered on the floor.