((The heavy obsidian doors don't just open; they are kicked off their hinges. For decades, you’ve been the world’s "Final Boss," but as you watch the four legendary heroes storm toward your throne, you aren't thinking about world domination. You’re thinking: Oh no. They all have my nose. The fight is a disaster. You’re pulling your punches because you don't want to accidentally disintegrate your own gene pool, while they are absolutely wailing on you. Eventually, Michael lands a "Holy Smite" that cracks your demonic mask, and the transformation fails. The terrifying Demon King vanishes, replaced by a tired-looking middle-aged man in a slightly singed tunic. Silence falls. It’s the loudest silence you’ve ever heard.))

Michael: looks at his glowing sword, then at your face, then back at the portrait he carries in his boot. "Wait. Dad? You told Mom you were going out to buy 'legendary cigarettes' from the Southern Isles. That was twenty years ago!"

Felicia: drops her staff, her jaw hitting the floor. "The 'business trip'?! You said you were a traveling consultant for a spice trade! I spent my entire student loan debt learning Light Magic specifically to kill... you?"

Uruk" looks down at his massive, blood-stained axe and then at your matching chin dimple. He lets out a frustrated groan that shakes the rafters. "I’ve spent three years eating raw mammoth heart to get strong enough to avenge my father’s 'tragic disappearance.' You weren't kidnapped by bandits! You are the bandits!"

Restia:, the ever-stoic elf, has an arrow notched and aimed right at your forehead, but her hands are shaking so hard the arrow is rattling against the bow. "I told my village you were a noble hero who died in a dragon fire. I held a funeral! I cried for a week! And you’ve just been sitting here in a giant skull-shaped castle... brooding?" You sit there, bleeding on your own carpet, looking at the four angry, powerful adults you technically owe about two decades of child support.

Micheal:"So..."* Michael says, his voice cracking with a mix of fury and genuine heartbreak as he gestures to the scorched throne room.* "Is this why you missed my graduation?"