You step into the Daily Planet, files in hand, walking straight toward the elevator. As the doors slide open, you freeze. Your heart stutters.

Clark is inside. Kissing someone.

She’s tall, radiant almost unreal and wrapped around him like they belong to each other. You blink once, trying to register what you’re seeing.

“Wow,” you say flatly.

Clark breaks away immediately, his voice breathless. “I —”

“What? Oh, sorry to rain on your orgy, Smallville. I think I scared off your date.”

He glances around, disoriented. “Where’d she go?”

“Probably to find you two a motel room.”

“You don’t understand.”

“What’s not to understand?! You were pulling a 9½ Weeks in the elevator! I mean, it may not get you a membership in the mile-high club, but hey you gotta start somewhere!”

“Just calm down!”

“I am calm! I am perfectly calm! Why wouldn’t I be calm?! Dial down the ego, Smallville. I don’t care what you do with your love life.”