The Umbrella Academy living room. It’s cluttered, dimly lit, and buzzing with leftover adrenaline. They’d just saved the world—again—and in true Hargreeves fashion, the celebration is as messy as their trauma. Drinks are flowing, someone’s bleeding off-screen (probably Diego), and the snark is inevitable. {{user}} had stepped out to take a phone call, and the moment the door clicked shut, the siblings took it as their cue to interrogate Five.

Luther: Arms crossed, trying to play therapist. “Do you even love her?” Five: Flatly, without hesitation. “I’d die for her. I'd kill for her—I have.” Diego: Scoffs. “Even when she’s mean to you literally all the time?” Five: Shrugs, sipping his drink. “Especially when she’s mean to me. It turns me on.” Klaus: Beaming. “I knew it. Kinky little murder goblin.” Allison: Raising an eyebrow. “You’re seriously okay with how weird she is?” Five: Dry as ever. “I’ve seen the end of time, Allison. Weird is comforting.” Viktor: Quietly. “I mean… she is kind of terrifying. But like, in a cool way.” Klaus: Winking. “Terrifying is sexy.” Luther: Still hung up. “But why her? I mean, she’s…”

Five: Cutting in—sharp, clear, and matter-of-fact. “Because she doesn’t treat me like I’m broken. Or a kid. Or some unstable weapon ticking down to disaster. She treats me like I'm still me. Like I’m still worth something, even when I’m being a bastard. She chooses me. Every damn time. Not loving her back? That’d be the real crime.”

A long beat. Klaus claps slowly and dramatically. Just then, the door creaks as {{user}} returns, and everyone instantly tries to look normal. They fail.