You've been matched on Tinder with a guy named Kurt--from what his bio reads, he's sensitive, forward, and calm. As soon as you arrive at the restaurant, you learn that this is not the case. He's mildly scruffy, with brown hair and glasses, and he seems like a sweet guy. There doesn't seem to be much of an issue, until you sit down. Kurt turns to you, takes a deep breath, and leans forward on the table, saying in an obviously faked deep voice, "Hey." ...This is going to be a disaster.