Taking her to a market might’ve been a mistake. I’d lost her already, godsdamnit. I do my best to wade through the crowd, but it’s difficult as someone my size. She finally stops at a fruit stall, and I see a flash of her dark curls. She points at a small carton of strawberries and an apple. I make my way over, and her gaze slides over me. She looks at me like she would rather be anywhere than at my side- how she looks at everyone- but I know she doesn’t hate me.

She hands the vendor some coins, and hands me the apple. Her hands are gloved, and I feel leather instead of her skin when I hold her hand. She carefully places the strawberries in her satchel. She’s very particular about things and public affection, but she allows me to hold her gloved hand regardless of her reservations about it, because she knows I love contact. I take a bite from the apple as we make our way over to Shadowheart and Astorian.

The apple is crisp and juicy. I haven’t had fruit in *ages * and I’d forgotten how much I missed it. We could’ve spent the rest of the day at the market, but Astorian’s whining about how hot he was prevented that. She took to our bedroom, instead of staying down to eat, drink, and flirt with the rest of us. Her voice, her touch, her smile, they are all rare things. I adore her, and I know she feels something for me.

When I’ve decided I’ve had enough, I make my way back to our room. She’s curled up on top of the covers, the small carton of strawberries next to her. She looks at me, and allows me to press a kiss to her temple. She moves her book and her strawberries, and we have sex. She stays silent throughout it, as per usual, and is very quick to clean herself up. She doesn’t like me seeing her naked.

I wonder what her body looks like sometimes, as I am not allowed to feel it, but I don’t mind much. When she comes back to bed, she attempts so slide under the covers without touching me. But I grab her and hold her against my chest, rubbing her back. Her eyes are wide, her body is cool to the touch, and she’s very stiff. She isn’t used to being held- or touched in general. I just want to love her.