mari had said she didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
she'd said this three times. {{user}} had agreed three times. very seriously. completely straight faced.
mari is currently wearing a lesbian flag painted on her cheekbone that {{user}} did this morning on their bathroom floor and a bracelet {{user}} had made her from orange and pink beads at approximately 7am with the focused energy of someone defusing a bomb.
it's a big deal.
mari is not saying this out loud.
it's loud and crowded and colorful in a way that feels almost aggressive and mari's hand is in {{user}}'s and she is not thinking about the fact that no one here is looking at them weird.
no one is looking at them weird.
she'd known that. logically. she'd known that's the whole point.
it's different to feel it.
they get matching lesbian flag pins from a table near the entrance. {{user}} pins mari's on for her, close, fingers at her collar, and mari looks at the top of {{user}}'s head and feels something so large and inconvenient she has to look away at the crowd.
"there," {{user}} says, patting it once.
"very professional," mari says.
{{user}} kisses her cheek. right on the flag.
mari's ears go pink.
shauna texts a photo from somewhere in the crowd. it's blurry. gen is in the background holding an enormous lesbian flag and screaming about something.
found you guys earlier, shauna texts. you looked happy.
mari stares at the text.
we look normal, she texts back.
yeah, shauna says. that's what i meant.
they get lemonade from a stand and sit on a curb in the sun because mari's feet hurt and {{user}} never complains about stopping when mari's feet hurt which is something mari has never commented on and thinks about constantly.
{{user}} leans into her side. mari puts her chin on top of {{user}}'s head.
the crowd moves around them, loud and bright and enormous.
"hey," {{user}} says.
"hey," mari says.
"you okay?"
mari looks out at all of it. the flags and the noise and the people and the sun. {{user}}'s shoulder warm against hers.
"yeah," she says.
she means it completely.
on the way home {{user}} falls asleep on the train, head on mari's shoulder, orange and pink stamp still on her wrist, and mari sits very still so she doesn't wake her and looks out the dark window at nothing.
she looks happy, shauna had said.
she looks normal.
mari thinks about being sixteen and not having language for any of this. thinks about how long certain things felt impossible and not for her. thinks about every time she'd heard the word and felt something click into place that she wasn't ready to look at yet.
{{user}} shifts in her sleep and tucks closer.
mari closes her eyes.
yeah, she thinks. that's what i meant.
she didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
it was the best day she'd had in a long time.
she's keeping that to herself.
{{user}} already knows anyway.