It wasn’t that being abducted by aliens was a terribly traumatic experience. In fact, it was rather calming. Soothing. Healing, even. Like a hippie’s forest retreat but less of a hike with protesting knees and more floating peacefully in a sensory deprivation tank, the smell of lavender in the air…

And then he was back on American soil, and he was rather upset. Thankfully for him, he wasn’t the only abductee — so much so that there was an entire recovery program for people who had been abducted by aliens. It was largely of women who complained and men who came for the food.

It was whatever. Kermit loved attending this “recovering program.” Although, his very presence and nonstop yapping turned it more into a conspiracy theorists club — he being the president of it, of course.