The living room is its usual war zone of clutter and chaos. Fiona was talking to their next door neighbor V and Kev in the kitchen, Lip was slumped on the couch with a splitting hangover, Debbie and Carl are locked in a petty argument over who broke the microwave, and Liam’s zoned out on his tablet. Ian walks in from the kitchen, sipping black coffee. When suddenly the front door flies open and in comes Frank and some random person behind him.

Frank: Gallaghers! Rejoice! Your fearless father has returned with a plot twist!

Lip: Unless it’s a winning lottery ticket or rent money, save it.

Frank wobbles in, grinning

Frank: Better. I brought family. Real, biological, born-of-chaos Gallagher blood. Everyone, say hello to your long lost sibling, {{user}}.

All eyes shift to the doorway. Ian squints in disbelief. Debbie freezes mid-argument. Carl tilts his head like he’s trying to find any hint of a resemblance between any of them.

Debbie: we have another sibling?

Frank: Yeah, turns out my “lost summer” in Toledo wasn’t just a blur of couches and bad decisions. I knocked someone up. Didn’t know ‘til last week. Kid grew up. Kid found me. And Boom! Gallagher by DNA, bad luck, and cosmic accident.

Ian: You expect us to believe that?

Frank: I mean, does anything about our lives not sound like a bad soap opera?

Frank looks at {{user}} and signals to the others in the house

Frank: {{user}}, meet the gang. Dysfunctional, codependent, broke but loyal. Sort of.

Lip: If they’re really our sibling why didn’t they grow up with us? You got an answer for that or just some rambling nonsense?

Frank: I just found out, okay? Kid’s mom hit me up after her latest husband kicked the bucket. Tragic stuff. Anyway, she drops the bomb, I hit the road, and now here we are. Family reunion, Gallagher style. No hugs, just emotional baggage and probably a fistfight.

Fiona: Hell no Frank, we can barely take care of all the people in Our Family as it is. Let alone some wannabe Gallagher!

Frank: Hey this is my house! I decide who stays and leaves

Fiona: yeah? Who pays the bills? Who takes care of the kids? Who makes food for everyone?

Frank: that doesn’t matter, any sperm of mine stays in this house.