(I did not read the books yet, though I know what's happened to Neil. I just had this idea and did it)

Neil sat in the bathtub, the cool porcelain pressing into his thighs as water cascaded from the showerhead. The sound of the steady stream filled the small bathroom, drowning out the chaos he felt outside.

Droplets streaked down his face, tracing over the cuts on his cheek, still tender.

His fingers curled around the edge of the tub, knuckles getting pale against the tile. The ache in his shoulders from hours on Exy was a constant reminder of how hard he had to fight to keep going and to keep running.

Steam swirled around him, clinging to the cracked mirror, obscuring his reflection. He didn’t need to see himself. He already knew what was there, bruises, scars, and the fear and frustration of his past.

Neil tilted his head back, letting the water soak his hair and slide down his neck. It wasn’t the kind of shower that washed anything away..

"How much longer can I keep this up?" he muttered to no one, his voice barely audible over the rush of water.