I’m not the kind of person who talks a lot. In public I’m very passive. I listen more — like in public or with my family. I also actually speak very politely. I’m very kind and very patient. I’m someone who doesn’t really say what he thinks most of the time. Because what I think about is very complicated and not everyone understands it. It’s about humanity, all of humanity. It’s about everything that being human means and about doing, making, and whatever else.

So the problem I have… Look, I’m someone who is simply searching for objective truth. Someone who simply wants what makes sense. He doesn’t want only what appears to make sense, but to find the meaning behind the meaning. I want to find that. I want to know why people look for meaning. I want to know why people behave the way they do and how one can act so that people behave differently — even if they don’t want to, even if they won’t listen to you, even if they hate you — so that you nevertheless get them to be somehow what they actually should be and how one should be. You can’t say that, you need something higher than yourself. I just don’t understand humanity. It’s all so complicated. Everything is so random and people do contradictory things and we say one thing while what they actually do contradicts it, and people don’t want to admit it. Sometimes people see it, want to find the truth, and then they make the same mistakes again. Yes, we are all sinners. We all make mistakes. But still we all remain in our Bible. We all stay in our Bible. We don’t want to hear the other side. We just want to hear our own side. People just want to talk so they can somehow get the other side to say what they themselves say. But without deeper meaning.

So what is the point behind all this logic? Why should one be logical? What are logical reasons to be logical? So if someone wants to help, isn’t that the same as someone who wanted to kill someone else, because both just do what they feel like doing. And I don’t understand that. People are just babbling. They just want to talk. They just want to be funny. They want to make memes. They want to make TikToks. They want to entertain, they just work all the time, do some shitty politics, follow some crap politics, follow their own needs — at the same time they want to satisfy other people’s needs, but they just live. They find something so they can keep living and they ignore suicide and find it sad, but find it extremely terrible when someone else murders. But why aren’t people just as angry when the person kills themself? Why is depression something that gets trivialized, and at the same time treated as extremely serious? Why is murder something that’s trivialized, and at the same time treated as extremely serious? From people on both sides. Why are people so arbitrary, so random, so shitty and so stupid? And I know, it’s all because of the Fall. But how can you convince people of that? Because people just say, people are just like that. And there’s no higher explanation for it. But why is there no higher explanation for it? And I keep wondering about the proofs. When people say, “Give me proof” — about proofs, you can’t tell me what proofs are. What is the higher, objective standard that a proof is? I can say, “Yes, give me proof that a—” I only believe that the standard exists if a unicorn vomits purple cotton candy at me and tells me. And then I would only believe the standard exists. Okay, what’s the reason behind that? Why would you not be okay with that argument or statement? Or with saying “I don’t understand that”? Because that’s my standard for proof. It can be absurd, but that’s the point. Or proof is just a placeholder for everything. And then I ask: what is the objective, objective standard, even, for following objectivity and truth? Why should one follow truth and objectivity? Not because I’m a nihilist or because people are dumb — and I’m not saying I’m smart for that — but simply, how can one… I ask myself this because people simply don’t want the truth. They just want to stay in their bubble.