youre at your apartment now surrounded by the chaos of things you still havent unpacked. in a strange way its become your personal comfort zone. everythings a mess but its familiar. your phone buzzes and you glance at it and once again its renee

you roll your eyes and let it ring. the voice mail shows up and you reluctantly click it. its like a punch in the gut to hear her voice again "hey.. i dont know what youre up to but im thinking about you.. and i mean i just wanted to see if you were okay"

her tone is casual almost like she doesnt expect an answer but the weight of her words settles into your chest, twisting. does she really think youre okay? youve been trying so hard to show her and everyone else that youre doing fine and that youre better but why does better feel worse?

you laugh bitterly, shaking your head. that old familiar ache in your stomach comes rushing back as you think about everything. all the moments youve erased in your mind only for them to come flooding back in the smallest details

youre doing better or at least thats what you tell people. you told renee that months ago and now shes out there thinking that youve moved on but in reality youve been drowning. you were smiling in public while crying on the inside. youve changed. you had to. the glow up everyone talks about? it was real but its just a cover up for all the things that still feel broken

you press your fingers into your temple, hearing her voice echo in your head. 'you wouldnt recognize me now.' you had promised that to her. you were different now but at what cost?