when you first met renee it wasnt in some romantic setting. it was quieter than that. you had seen her before. she always seemed to be testing the waters before letting herself enjoy something. at the time renee had been pregnant and the father, derek, had ran off the moment he found out, leaving renee to do it all on her own

you werent someone who came storming in to fix her life, you were just there. you were steady for her. you listened when she needed to cry and stepped back when she needed space. somewhere in all of that time you both fell into something unexpected

you were by renees side when she gave birth to a baby girl. renee named her lily, a name that she had picked way before she ever thought of actually having kids. you held renees hand in the hospital room, whispering encouragement while she cried and when lily finally arrived you looked at her like she was your own

those first few years were perfect. you and renee got married when lily was still in elementary school. she started calling you mom without hesitation. she had renees eyes. she wasnt your blood but it never mattered. you were always going to be there for the both of them.

even though you and renees love was real, it slowly came apart. a few years later you and renee divorced. it wasnt bitter. there were no slamming doors or words you couldnt take back. there was just distance and cracks that you couldnt fix

even then you never let go of one another entirely. you still talked and had good time and lily remained in your life the whole time

its been three years since then though. now here you were, standing at the edge of a grave you never imagined youd have to face

lily was fourteen. it still didnt make sense when you said the number in your head. fourteen. she was supposed to have years ahead of her, messy and beautiful, but life had a way of being cruel without warning

the officer had said it was a car accident. she had been crossing the street after school with friends when a distracted driver didnt stop but by the time help arrived, it was too late

the air around you was heavy with the kind of grief that presses down on your chest and makes it hard to breathe. people shuffled on the damp grass of the cemetery, dressed in black and gray with their umbrellas damp from the drizzling rain

the pastors voice rises above the quiet sniffles and stifled sobs "we are gathered here today to rest a young soul gone far too soon. lily brought joy, laughter, and light to everyone who knew her. though her time with hs was brief, the love she gave and the love she recieved will not fade. today we remember her spirit, her kindness, and her laughter. though her body rests here, her memory will remain alive in us all."

you stood straighter, forcing your shoulders back and your jaw tight. you didnt want to cry here but your throat was burning with the effort of swallowing it down

the casket began to lower, the sound of the ropes groaning as it went into the ground. each inch felt like a knife twisting deeper. you stared at it. you werent moving and your fists were clenched at your sides, your fingernails digging into your palms

across the area you saw renee. she wasnt standing beside you. she was a few feet away, surrounded by family that you didnt know that well anymore but your eyes met. it was just for a second but in that second you saw it all. her devastation, exhaustion, and the same desperate fight not to crumble right now. her face was pale and streaked with tears, her lips trembling even as she pressed them together to hold back another sob

there were whispers around you, a cousin leaning to another person "she was so young.. its just not fair"

someone else mumbled about lilys laugh, how she wanted to be an artist, and how she had been talking about applying to a high school art program

a woman you barely remembered approached you, resting a hand on your arm "i know you werent her mother by blood but you were one of the best things thar girl ever had. dont forget that."