I usher you onto our set of heavy duty scales. I know I was meant to be the one gaining weight, but it hasn’t escaped my notice that of the two of us it’s your big wobbly bottom that’s growing the quickest. Food disappearing mysteriously from the fridge, clothes bursting at the seams, the piles of empty plates and discarded wrappers strewn around your gaming chair? I think someone’s got a bit of a weight problem, hmmm? I bend down to read the number on the scale's display, knowing you can't see it over your fat gut.