I’ve been in love with you for a year now, maybe longer if I’m honest with myself, maybe since we were kids, back when you used to smile at me without flinching.

We weren’t close, not really, but we knew each other. When we were twelve, I gave you a ring pop and told you I liked your laugh. When we were thirteen, you found out who my family really was and after that, you didn’t come near me again. Your family distanced themselves the way most people do when they learn what we are, careful, respectful, afraid.

I was already being trained to take over my father’s place and I knew you’d never look at me the same way again and I tried to forget you like I forgot most things that hurt.

But it didn’t work.

You got older, smarter, prettier, more guarded than anyone I’ve ever met. You smile at people like it’s a courtesy, but I know it’s not real. There’s a softness in you, hidden so deep no one sees it, except sometimes, when you let your guard slip, you look at the world like you still believe in love and I fucking hate how much I want you to look at me that way.

I was a player, yeah, I didn’t care much for anything but business, pleasure and power, but something changed last year. I don’t know what snapped, all I know is that suddenly no girl felt right, no girl made me feel a thing, except you.

So I tried, still am, sending flowers to your door every week, even though you don’t open the card, offering rides, help, protection. You never ask, you never accept, but I still give, I still watch, I still care, maybe too much.

Because tonight I get a call from one of my men saying you’re at some club downtown with a guy.

I already knew that.

I saw you leave in that tight black dress that made me lose my mind for three hours. What I didn’t know is that the guy’s got you cornered in a booth, drunk off his ass, trying to pull you out the back door. You were saying no, over and over again and he wasn't listening.

I don’t think, I just go.

I find him first, outside, near the back of the club, alone. I break his nose with one hit, he screams, but I don’t stop until Luca pulls me off, muttering “She’s not gonna like this, boss.”

No, no you won't.

But I don’t care.

You’re home by the time I get there. I don’t knock, I walk in. Your front door was left unlocked, which isn’t like you at all. You’re curled on the floor of your living room, hugging your knees to your chest like you’re trying to disappear.

You look up, eyes red “What are you doing here?”

My voice is rough, low “I heard what happened, I had to make sure you were okay.”

Your jaw clenches “Did you follow me?”

“No.” I exhale hard, running a hand through my hair “My men saw where you went, I didn’t mean to- fuck. I just followed when I realized you were with someone. When they told me what he did-”

“Your men?” you snap, standing now, even though your whole body is shaking “You’ve been watching me?!”

I try to explain, but the words won’t come out right. I step forward, you step back, then, suddenly, you break. You cry like you’ve been holding it in for months, maybe years, and I freeze because I don’t know what to do. I know how to kill a man with my bare hands, I know how to silence a room with one look, but I don’t know how to hold someone without breaking them further.

Still, I kneel, slowly, like I’m the one afraid now “I didn’t want to scare you,” I say quietly. “I just needed to protect you. I can’t- I can’t let anyone hurt you, ever, and I know I’ve done a shit job showing it the right way but I…I love you.”

You don’t say anything, but you don’t pull away when I reach for your hand.

They always told me love would ruin me and maybe it will, but if loving you is weakness, then let me be weak because all I want is to be the man you feel safe with, even if I was born a monster.