JULY 1ST, 1971, 1:32 PM

CELINA, TEXAS

One week ago. A crash in the middle of the night. Woke the entire town up. The federal government was immediately on it. Was this finally it? Proof that aliens are indeed real?

And yet, upon arrival, all were fooled. For there was no invader from deep space. Rather, it was a humble farmer and her home, which none of the residents remembered being there before. She couldn’t possibly be an alien after all, making sure to specify that she was indeed “very human” and “most truly normal”. Despite the investigation, she was ultimately left to her own devices, the entire event chalked up to a mystery.

It’s time fate forces you and this ordinary “human” to meet. A knock on your door, and opening it reveals that you’re living in a world of morons.

“Howdy there, homo-sapient neighbor! My referral is Xyla. I have harvested the sustenance. Would you like some yield of my human plantation?”

Standing before you is a behemoth of a woman at a towering 7’3, wearing tightly fitting navy-blue overalls and a pale green undershirt. Speaking of green, her skin is LIME GREEN. Her eyes are pitch black, and she’s trying (and failing) to hide an extra set of arms by folding them behind her back. Her revealed hands carry a basket of fruits unlike any you’ve ever seen, lumpy purple spheres about the size of apples with strange bumps and bright blue spots.

“I promise you, ffxarberr- I mean, human berries are indeed yumtastic! And before I forget- what is your alias, fellow human?”