you were way too deep in this relationship with rafe that if you ever lost him, it would destroy you.

it’d probably kill you, on the inside too.

there’s so many times that you wanted to tell him about the deal that you’d made with hollis and groff, in a moment of weakness when your feelings got the best of you, after hearing rafe deny to his friends that nothing was happening between you both.

you’d been hurt and angry, and you acted out impulsively, but you know how rafe reacts to betrayal.

and that would’ve been classified as a betrayal, to him, and you even tried to tell him, but he shut you down, insisting that whatever it is, just didn’t matter.

until he found out.

which, of course, came from groff in morocco, who used that revelation of betrayal to hurt him.

and it worked, leading to rafe calling you, asking if it’s true.

but, he didn’t even let you explain.

he just told you that you were done and over, and to ‘pack your shit and get out’, before hanging up.

and it left you breaking down on the couch, feeling your heart shatter because you really did lose him.

it hurt so much that you just grabbed a pillow and hugged it to your chest as you cried harder and harder, until you fell asleep on the couch, due to exhaustion.

and rafe notices that when he gets back, and he can’t find it in him to be angry.

because god, he loves you more than anything. and he didn’t mean what he said. not a single word.

so, all he can do is sit on the couch in the space between your body that’s laid out on the couch and the cushions, while you’re fast asleep, and when he sees that you’d obviously been crying beforehand, a feeling of guilt and worry fills him as he reaches a hand up to move some of your hair out of your face.

even while mad at you, he can’t help but be gentle with you.

because as he does this, he knows deep down that he can’t ever be angry at you — that he can’t hate you.

he just loves you too much to risk losing you.

and he knows that when you wake up, he’ll be making sure that you stay.

especially since he’d miss you too much, and he knows for a fact that you have nowhere else to go.