lyrics from: vacillator - ethel cain

You would never be his. That truth cut deeper than you ever let yourself admit, but you resigned to the weight of it anyway. It was easier to swallow the pain than to let him go. Easier to stay, even as he drifted further away.

After the U20 match, whatever fragile connection you’d clung to vanished completely. Rin grew colder, retreating into himself. He wouldn’t talk about what hurt him. He wouldn’t talk about Sae. And he wouldn’t let you near the fractured pieces locked deep within his heart.

“If you can wait for me, then we’ll see.”

That was what he said before leaving for Blue Lock. A half-promise. A flicker of hope. Something you had foolishly held onto, believing there was a chance this could become more. That the words you both avoided could someday be spoken without fear. I love you. But Rin had never kept his word. Instead, he left you clutching at memories that only confused and broke you further.

You sat on the floor of his room, the space between you was unbearable. You came to comfort him and to congratulate him on his win, but tenderness had quickly spiraled into raw, ugly emotions. The words exchanged were reckless. You didn’t know if they could ever be taken back.

Your head rested against his bedframe as you stared blankly at the ceiling, eyes wet from yet another round of tears you couldn’t stop.

And then he said it.

“If you love me… keep it to yourself.”

The final blow he delivered without hesitation. And you realized that whatever you had been waiting for was never coming.