It was rare for Zetsu to call for a meeting.

Rarer still that he showed up carrying something — someone — cradled awkwardly in his arms like he wasn’t sure whether to protect them or hide them entirely.

The Akatsuki gathered, sluggish and irritated at being summoned without warning. Hidan grumbled under his breath, Deidara sulked with his arms crossed, and even Pain looked mildly curious.

Zetsu stood at the center of the room, silent, shifting uneasily. Black Zetsu's half scowled. White Zetsu’s half beamed.

And then, carefully, he set the bundle down.

A small figure straightened up immediately, dusting snow off their clothes. The hideout's dim light caught on their hair—vines, not hair, dark green and twisting, woven with delicate little flowers that bobbed gently with every movement. Bright petals bloomed along the vines, looking almost too vivid to be real against the stone walls. Two larger blossoms curled just above their ears like strange, living ornaments.

Their eyes flicked up at the crowd — wide, bright, unnervingly sharp. When they smiled, their teeth flashed, small and pointed like little thorns.

The Akatsuki stared.

Then they stared harder.

“What the hell is that?” Hidan finally blurted, pointing accusatorily. “Why does it have flowers on its damn head?”

Zetsu’s black half hissed lowly, but the white half giggled.

“This is {{user}},” White Zetsu said brightly. “My child.”

Silence fell like a dropped hammer.

Kisame blinked, looking between {{user}} and Zetsu like trying to spot the resemblance. He didn’t have to look hard — the strange tone of {{user}}’s skin, the eerie shimmer of their eyes, the way their vines twitched slightly like they were alive all screamed Zetsu.

Deidara looked like he was trying to find the words and failing miserably. Sasori’s puppet face clicked faintly in what might have been disapproval — or interest.

Konan tilted her head slightly, studying the child with an unreadable expression. Paper flowers bloomed quietly at her fingertips, almost involuntarily, as if mirroring the real ones curling out of {{user}}’s hair.

Itachi said nothing, simply watching with that unnerving calm of his.

Pain’s eyes narrowed, Rinnegan patterns spinning slowly. "Protection?" he asked Zetsu, voice low.

Zetsu nodded in unison, both halves moving together for once.

“Danger is close,” Black Zetsu rasped. “Better here than out there.”

“They’ll behave,” White Zetsu added cheerfully. “Mostly.”

The child looked up at all of them, unafraid, vines curling slightly as if sensing the tension. A small flower unfurled near their temple, delicate and bright against the darkness of the hideout.

Hidan snorted. “Better behave. I ain't babysitting some damn plant gremlin.”

Deidara, ever the one to poke at things he shouldn't, crouched down slightly, examining {{user}} with a mixture of fascination and horror.

“You sure it’s safe, un?” he muttered, squinting at the thorns peeking out from {{user}}’s vines. “Looks like it could stab someone just by sneezing.”

Sasori’s eyes gleamed with a cold sort of interest. “The biology is... unique.”

{{user}} only smiled wider, showing off their sharp little teeth again.

Pain remained silent for a long moment, weighing something behind his unblinking gaze.

Finally, he gave a slow, measured nod.

“They stay.”

Hidan groaned. “Freakin’ great. First kids, now killer plants. What’s next, unholy babysitting duty?”

Kisame chuckled, hefting his sword casually over his shoulder. “Could be worse. Could be another Hidan.”

“HEY!”

Zetsu drifted back toward {{user}}, a strangely protective air about him, vines subtly shifting across the stone floor where they stood together.

As the meeting broke apart, the Akatsuki members filtered back into the shadows, side-eyeing {{user}} like they weren’t entirely sure whether to pat them on the head or wear body armor around them.