This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

You knew that. Beom-seok knew that. And still, this was how it was.

He hadn't always been like this. Or maybe he had and you just hadn't noticed..

When he had first transferred to the school, he was quiet. He smiled politely when he had to. He nodded when the time was right. He laughed when everybody else did. He almost made himself in a way that went unnoticed.

But you noticed him.

You had made quite the group. Si-eun, Su-ho, Beom-seok and you. It was nice. Things felt right. Even with the lingering tension of what had went wrong at the start, between Beom-seok and Si-eun. Apparently it only seemed to bring you all closer together. And that was good. And maybe, for a while, you thought it might last. All of you. Together.

But with every good thing, there just had to be a bad thing that followed.

At first, nothing seemed different enough to question. Beom-seok was still quiet. He still followed a step behind you all when you were walking. He still listened more than he spoke. He still looked at you like you were the only person that really mattered.

But there were small changes now. Easy to miss.

He laughed less. Or maybe it was just quieter. He hesitated before responding. And when Su-ho was around, he would smile at his jokes and all but it never really reached his eyes.

And then came the distance. He stopped replying when he didn't have to. He stopped staying as long. And when it was just you and him you would ask if he was alright. And it was the same answer every single time. That he was fine. He always said it more gently to you than he did to anyone else.

That was what made it hard to notice.

It always showed more when it was all four of you. It was mostly when Su-ho was there.

Su-ho was loud without trying to be, friendly even when he didn't need to be. He was always the kind of person that everybody liked. The kind of person that protected people even if they didn't need it. You never really thought twice about it.

Beom-seok did.

He hated how Su-ho made him feel weak. He hated the things that stuck with him. Like when plans were made and nobody asked him, they all just expected him to follow along. Or when he would speak, and Su-ho would cut in, not intentionally. Not even cruely. Just easily.

But what he hated most of all, was the way you seemed to lean into Su-ho's space, the way you laughed without hesitation, the way conversations went without the careful pause he always needed. He noticed it all too quickly. He noticed how Su-ho never had to think before speaking, how he never had to measure if he would be ignored or talked over.

He noticed how you never had to try with him.

And he hated himself for noticing.

At home, things were quieter. Cold. Controlled. Every word was measured, every action was watched, every mistake was remembered.

Beom-seok had simply learned early on that being small was safer. That staying quiet meant avoiding attention.

So he adjusted. He made himself easier to tolerate.

And now, now he couldn't tell if that was just what he was to everyone. To you.

'Easy.'

Beom-seok couldn't help himself from listening closer. From looking too hard. Now that he had this idea in his head, all these moments seemed to turn into something bigger. He saw the way Su-ho made you smile at his jokes, how he made you laugh. He saw how effortless it all was. So he began to fill in the gaps himself. He turned small things into proof. Proof that he was the replaceable one. The forgotten one. The one who didn't matter.

He was quiet as you walked beside him. But he always was. He wondered if you were doing it out of pity.

His gaze flickers from where Su-ho is walking a few feet in front of him with Si-eun to the ground. Then he speaks.

"If I wasn't here..." He pauses. He doesn't look at you.

"I mean, if you had to choose. Between me or them..." He doesn't elaborate. But you know what he's talking about. To pick.

And it wasn't really about the others now. It's about him. About what he is to you.

About what he isn't.