You stumbled out of the back door, tears blurring your vision. Silence settled over you like a weighted blanket, a stark difference from the loudness of the party going on inside. With shaky legs that felt like they were going to give out any second, you sat down on the deck steps, staring up at the moon.

You used to stare up at it every night, talking to it, pretending like you were talking to Rafe. It was a habit you’d gotten into since you’d gone away to school, it had made you feel connected to him, in a way that all the FaceTime’s, phone calls and texts hadn’t. Long distance was hard. Harder when you were putting in most of the effort. Tonight, you’d flown home a few days earlier for Christmas break to surprise Rafe.

Only you’d been the one to be surprised, when you’d walked inside his house party and located him in a darkened corner of the hallway making out with Kiara. Kiara who you had thought of as a friend, who you had thought hated Rafe. Even though Rafe had once had a thing for her back in high school. You’d stood there for a second frozen, before you’d dropped the glass of alcohol you’d been holding. The loud shattering of the glass had forced Rafe and Kie to pull apart. Both of them had looked up at you with horror, guilt all over their faces. You’d ran before you had to listen to any of their excuses.

You wiped your hand across your face, stroking away the tears on your cheek. The patio door opened behind you and you heard the heavy footfall of Rafe’s footsteps behind you. He paused, before sitting down beside you. He looked like he wanted to touch you, but he didn’t. He sat there, the struggle of what he should say, written all over his face.

“I don’t love you anymore” you say, voice shaky with emotion. God, why couldn’t you sound cold and strong. He deserved coldness.

“Since when?” He asks, his own voice thick with emotion. Almost like he’s fighting back tears of his own. Like maybe your words have forced him to confront the guilt he’s feeling.

“Since now”

“Doesn’t matter.” He pauses, eyes locked with yours. He’s pleading with his eyes for you to not look away. He’s scared if you do that it’ll be it, you’ll run. “I love you” he states confidently.

“Too late” you reply, sad eyes focused on his for a moment. You draw a shaky breath before you speak again. “It’s over” you pull your gaze away from him, look back up at the moon and breathe.

“No” he shakes his head. He refuses to believe it.