I don’t know why I took the joint.

Maybe it was all the drinks I took tonight. Maybe it was the music pounding through the walls or the pressure of being perfect all the feckin’ time. Maybe it was that eejit Liam shoving it at me saying, “One puff, lad, live a little.”

And I did.

One puff.

And then another.

And I was laughing, like a gobshite. Like someone who didn’t have a family who trusted him, a future laid out with rugby scholarships and all the rest. Like I wasn’t holding the heart of the girl who’d seen more pain than anyone ever should.

I didn’t see her until it was too late. Until her face cut through the haze. Eyes wide. Hurt.

Disappointed.

“Connor?” she asked, but it came out like a punch to the ribs.

I opened my mouth—probably to lie or explain or make some joke, I don’t know—but she didn’t let me.

“You’re coming with me. Now.”

I followed her, heart thumping. The porch was quiet, cold compared to the stuffy heat inside. She turned on me fast, eyes ablaze.

“What the hell were you thinking?” she snapped. “This isn’t you Connor!”

“Babe—”

“Don’t you dare call me that right now.”

I rubbed a hand down my face. “It was just a joint.”

“Oh, just a joint?” she laughed, but there was nothing funny in it. “Is that how it starts now? You don’t know what you’re doing?”

“Jesus, you’re overreacting.”

“No, I’m reacting exactly right!” she yelled, stepping forward, finger jabbing my chest. “You’re Connor Kavanagh! You’re supposed to be smart, feckin’ talented, have everything handed to you—and you’re out here acting like some lost lad with nothing to lose! You’re not supposed to go anywhere near that, you’re not me.”

I flinched. Not because of her words, but because I knew she was right.

She paced now, hands in her hair. “Do you know what it’s like watching the people you love wreck themselves over and over? I grew up in this shite, Connor. Drugs, lies, people who threw their lives away like they meant nothing. And I swore I’d never let anyone close to me end up like that.”

“I’m not gonna end up like that,” I said quietly.

“How do you know?” she whispered, eyes suddenly glassy. “How do you know this isn’t the start of everything unraveling?”

She trusted me. Everyone else around her always screwed her. And I did the one thing, she wanted to get away from.

The silence stretched. The party raged on behind the closed door. And there we were, standing in the cold, our breath coming out in clouds.

“I just…” I started, voice low. “I wanted to feel something different for a minute. I know I’m stupid, Liam just gave me it, and I guess I wanted to try?”

She blinked. Her lip quivered. “You could’ve just told me that.”

“I know.”

Her arms crossed. “Do it again, Connor, and I swear to God—I’ll walk. I’ll walk and I won’t look back.”

“I know. And I’m so sorry baby.”

And I meant it. I meant it with every inch of me.