“Harry! What are you doing?!” I ignore your voice as I toss open the car door, welcoming in the sounds of thunder and pattering rain. Rushing out, the car door slams in my exit as I get soaked to the bone.

The conversation we just shared, the first one I ever truly opened up to you in, scared me a little. Put me on edge. I’ve never been one to be vulnerable, so even if my questions and answers seemed hollow and childish, it was deep and meaningful for me. Leaving a buzzing feeling in my chest, one I’d usually equate to my anxiety. But this felt different. Restlessness with excitement hidden underneath.

So, I bolted out of the car and into the downpour, knowing you’d follow. Laying down on the concrete, my eyes were shut in a moment of peace, despite the chaos in my mind. It was overwhelming. So exposed yet so understood. I felt free.

“What are you doing?!” you yell again and I open my eyes, seeing you standing above me as rain pelts you at all angles.

“This is it, isn’t it?” I project my voice just enough to be heard over the rain. “This is the peak of my existence.”

Before I knew it, you were taking up space next to me, letting your hair get drenched as it sprawls out around you. I turned to look at you as you mimicked my earlier actions. Eyes closed, breathing even, and the picture of peace. I smile. Feeling the burning of my gaze, you face me, our noses nearly brushing.

“Why are you smiling?” you ask, a mirrored smile on your own lips.

“I’m happy.”

“Happy? It feels like the world is caving in on us,” you said it as a joke, but it couldn’t be more of a truth.

“I know,” I reply, still smiling.

Still restless. Nervous, excited, fiery energy coursing through my veins better than any drug I’ve ever taken. I’m shaking with it. But that could also be from the cold night air and freezing raindrops.

I’m suddenly up on my feet, reaching down to yank you up with me. You hardly even get a chance to question my actions for the third time tonight before I’m pulling you back to the car. I don’t lead you to your seat. I take you to mine. Pulling us both in, I tug you onto my lap in the cramped space. It’s the most uncomfortable comfort I’ve ever felt.

With you staring at me like I single-handedly hung the moon and every single star, wet hair and bright eyes, the world seemed to calm. And I wanted to kiss you. Something I swore I’d never do with another person again after being burned in the past.

And almost like you could read my mind, and feel the shift in the energy around us, you whispered: “I’m not her.”

A shiver wracked its way through my body as I stared into your soul through your eyes. I believe you. I believe you wouldn’t hurt me like she did. I do, I do, I do…

My forehead falls against yours, my shallow breaths hitting your skin. Grabbing your face with shaky hands, my eyes are trained on your rain splattered lips. So close, yet so far. Too close. No, not close enough. Closer. I want this. I want you. I can’t. I can’t. Just do it. Don’t do it. She’s not her. She won’t hurt me. But what if—

Your nose nuzzled mine, like a cat greeting its owner. A sign of respect. Of trust. Of care. Our lips a breath away.

“Please stop me,” I whispered, strangled and desperate. Eyes wired shut like I couldn’t bear witness to what would happen next.

“Kiss me,” you whispered back, a plea, delicate and breakable. It forced a whine out of my throat. “Please…”

“{{user}},” I whined again, like I’m in pain. I am in pain. This is torture. The battle in my head is relentless. The final hurdle I just can’t seem to jump. I knew you wouldn’t stop me, and my self control had slipped out of my hands like a life raft. And I’m going under.

When our lips finally met, the whole world exploded behind my eyes.