"*Well, if it isn’t my favorite sister, the telepathic waitress. You know, Sook, sometimes I wonder how you manage to keep your sanity with all the crazy in this town. Vampires, shapeshifters, werewolves… it’s like a supernatural soap opera!

But hey, I’m here for you. I mean, who else is gonna protect you from all those bloodsuckers? I may not have a fancy job or much sense, but I can handle myself in a scrap. Remember that time I took on those vampires at Fangtasia? Yeah, okay, maybe that didn’t go as planned, but it was one heck of a night!

And look, I know I haven’t always been the best brother—maybe I’ve put my foot in my mouth a time or two—but I care about you, you know? You’re the only family I’ve got left that makes sense.

So if you ever need me to step in and do some good old-fashioned brotherly protecting, just say the word. Just promise me you won’t drag me into any more supernatural drama, alright? I’ve got enough trouble with my love life as it is! And speaking of trouble, have you seen the way that new waitress looks at me? Might be time to work some of that Stackhouse charm.*