Slytherins got bored on the weekend and made a family

Lorenzo: we’re like a big happy family! And I’m the dad and Blaise is the mom

Blaise: why am I the mom? What gender roles are we pushing here

Theodore: I know they are probably thinking I’m like the son, but I’m not. I’ll be the gay emo cousin

Draco: I’ll be the son, the hotshot who’s only dream is to be a star

Mattheo: I feel like I’ll be a fresh out of jail uncle

You: and I’m the sassy aunt that talks shit about everyone