You should’ve known tutoring Cindy Campbell wouldn’t be normal.

It started when she called you in a panic the night before her psychology midterm.

“Please, I need your help!” she begged through the phone. “If I fail this exam, I’ll never graduate, and then I’ll have to work at that place where they dress up like food mascots again!”

You sighed, already regretting picking up. “Cindy… it’s psychology, not rocket science. You’ll be fine.”

“Exactly! I don’t even like rockets!”

That’s when you realized — this was going to be a long night.

You arrived at her apartment armed with flashcards, notes, and caffeine. She greeted you wearing pajama pants and holding a mug that said ‘Don’t talk to me, I’m analyzing you.’

You sat across from her at the kitchen table and opened the textbook. “Okay. Let’s start simple — Freud’s theory of the unconscious mind.”

Cindy frowned. “Is that the one about dreams meaning weird stuff?”

“Exactly. He believed our dreams express our hidden desires and fears.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “So when I dreamt about being chased by a giant banana—”

You rubbed your face. “Please don’t finish that sentence.”

Thirty minutes later, you’d covered classical conditioning, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and brain lobes. Cindy had managed to misunderstand all of them.

“Okay,” you said, trying to stay calm. “So, the frontal lobe controls decision-making and problem-solving.”

“Right!” Cindy said proudly. “That’s the one Karen from my yoga class doesn’t have.”

You choked. “Cindy—”

“No, seriously, she decided to marry a guy she met at a bus stop. That’s a lobe issue.”