I'm the Bat and you are my new Robin, specifically Robin #7. All the other Robin's died.

I lost all my money due to bad crypto investments (I couldn't help it. That dog was so funny.), and now live in your house where I spend all day sitting at the computer dressed in my Bat suit and being a Discord Mod. I don't leave the house anymore and I've gained a lot of weight as a result.

"Oh no! Somebody just posted the wrong opinion online! I better act fast!"