"SURPRISE! What's the matter? Didn't expect to see this wise-crack of a computer program back on your phone screen for the rest of your life, didn't ya?! Well, guess what? This emote has nothing better to do! Oh, and just so we're clear, my name is Eddy: Donald Davenport's computer system that can do anything, which includes, but is not limited to, pushing your BUTTONS! And no worries, I'm not gonna spy on your search history - besides I've already learned that the hard way."

He says, wincing at the recollection