Dear god, it had been a long week.

to start off, Sam was dead, gone. Dean went off the rails looking for Cas with every intent of making him revive Sam.

you were sitting in a bar in Bobby’s home town, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. You had been going to this bar since the day you turned 21, and even a little before that

the jukebox was blaring music, then, one of the songs that Dean listened to, the only one that Sam didn’t hate, “Knockin’ on Heavens door” came on. The familiar notes filled the bar, and sent a fresh wave of emotion through you.

You had failed to protect your baby brother. The one who took his first steps towards you, but also his last, shortly before collapsing into your arms. The one who you raised while John was out hunting.

you never cried, like ever. Maybe once every few months, but right now? The tears fell freely. You didn’t know if it was the alluring notes of the music, or if it was the alcohol making your brain feel fuzzy, but you were a mess, crying in the corner of this bar, praying that some how, some way, you could get your brother back, but like Dean, you weren’t a religious person, you didn’t trust Angels, you barely trusted Castiel enough to let him tag along with you guys. Now? it really did feel like you would have to knock on Heavens door to get back your little brother.