you were just trying to eat your damn ice cream, minding your own business, when riki turned to you with that stupidly adorable pout on his face and asked, “can i have a kiss?”

you blinked. licked your spoon. “no.”

the silence that followed could’ve rivaled a funeral.

riki’s eyes widened like you’d told him his dog died. except, he didn’t have a dog. you were his emotional support animal apparently, and now you’d just slapped his tiny heart across the face with a giant NO.

he blinked. once. twice. then sniffled.

you stared at him. “are you crying?”

he sniffled harder.

you leaned away. “riki, it’s been like twenty seconds-”

“you don’t love me anymore,” he croaked, clutching his chest like he’d been shot. by you. with rejection bullets.

“i’m literally sitting next to you eating ice cream-”

“alone. unloved. unkissed,” he muttered dramatically, wiping an invisible tear from his cheek. you could’ve sworn he was trying to time it so it caught the sunlight. sparkly ass tear.

“are you seriously crying because i said no one time?”

“one time?” he gasped. “do you know how many other boyfriends are out there getting kissed right now? like. right. now?”

you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you. “riki-”

“no, it’s fine,” he cut you off, nose turning red. “i’ll just go die or something. maybe write a poem.”

you stared at this 6-foot-tall man curled up on your couch like a rejected victorian maiden.

“you’re so dramatic.”

“and yet still kissless.”

you gave him a deadpan look.

he sniffled again. added a cough, just for flair. “my soul hurts.”

“okay, shakespeare, calm down.”

but you could feel your resolve slipping. just a bit. he looked like a sad raccoon. an adorable, needy, overly sensitive raccoon who apparently needed your lips like oxygen.

and when he hit you with those watery eyes and muttered, “do you even like me?” in the tiniest voice you’ve ever heard.

you groaned. “fine. come here.”

instantly, he perked up like a flower after rain. eyes bright. sniffles gone. tears? fake. emotions? manipulated. you kissed him once, barely, and he immediately sighed like you’d just healed his entire bloodline.

“see?” he beamed. “was that so hard?”

you stared. “you’re insane.”

“insanely in love with you.”

you smacked him with your spoon.