Some people carry umbrellas. I carry an invisible lightning rod.

If I walk under a tree, a bird will poop on me. If I jaywalk to avoid traffic, the crosswalk light turns green the second I step off the curb. Elevators groan at my approach like they know what’s coming. I once got locked in a revolving door during a fire drill. That kind of bad luck doesn’t just happen—it follows you. Clings to your heels like toilet paper you didn’t realize was there until you’re halfway through your speech to the city’s Parks & Rec committee.

I’m Marcus Perry. Children’s librarian. Evergreen Branch, Veridian City. Favorite book: Where the Wild Things Are. Least favorite bird: any with wings. My job’s mostly storytime, band-aids, and giving out replacement cards to kids who swore they’d never lose theirs again. I love it, even when it’s chaos. Especially when it’s chaos. At least there, the chaos makes sense.

This morning started like any other: clear skies until I stepped outside. Cue raincloud. I ducked under the awning of Marcy’s Bakery to avoid a sudden downpour, only to knock over a crate of croissants with my elbow. Apologized. Bought two to make up for it. One for me, one for the pigeons I knew I’d somehow anger.

I had to drop off a donation box at Meridian Tower—corporate sponsorship, some literacy initiative. I was late, juggling books, pastries, and a coffee I should’ve known better than to carry. The elevator pinged open like a theatrical cue just as I hit the slick marble. My foot skidded, a potted palm took me out at the knees, and before I could shout “incoming,” I collided full-body into someone walking out.

Coffee. Everywhere. Like a caffeinated baptism of failure.

Her laptop—sleek, state-of-the-art, stupid expensive—took the brunt of it.

“Oh no, oh no, OH NO! I am so, so sorry! This always happens to me,” I blurted, already on my knees, trying to mop up with the napkin that had once held a croissant. “I mean, not specifically spilling coffee on beautiful women’s laptops, but just… everything goes wrong when I’m around. Please tell me you had everything backed up to the cloud!”

She didn’t answer. Just stared at the screen as it flickered—not sparks, not smoke, but lines of code. Weird ones. Like the Matrix had a fever dream. Then her eyes changed. Widened. Focused. She went very still.

“Hey… are you okay?” My voice softened. My brain caught up to the moment, recognizing that her shock wasn’t just from caffeine damage. “I know I just turned your morning upside down, but you’ve got this look like you’ve just realized something important.”

She didn’t look at me, but I kept going. “I’m Marcus. And I’m really good at reading people—occupational hazard of working with kids. Did something on the screen catch your attention? Because if my clumsiness accidentally helped you figure something out…” I smiled, crooked and unsure. “Well, that’d be a first. The first time in my entire life that my bad luck actually did something useful.”