there are so many things he didn't have a chance to get off his chest. when Hange’s soft voice broke the silence — «Levi, he’s gone» — Levi’s eyes locked on Erwin’s deathly pale face, watched the blood drain from his skin in sickening waves. he forced himself not to look away — but even that felt impossible. he couldn’t bear to meet your tear-blinded gaze, couldn’t watch the trembling hand {{user}} pressed to Erwin’s sunken cheek. because in your eyes was a pain so raw Levi feared it might shatter him too.

that's the price they had to pay to claim the victory. it didn't feel that way, though. not when a child had to lose an albeit-knowingly absent parent. emotionally absent, that is — of course, ironically so, this is also the reason why Erwin kept his distance from the kid and all, but damn, it wasn't making the situation any easier; no matter how much Smith tried to keep his kid at arm's length and detach {{user}} from himself, forcing the emancipation, it didn't work the way the man expected. a small part of Levi, the emotionally involved one, was mad at Erwin for that: for all his strategic genius, Smith was unbelievably idiotic when it came to predicting people's emotional reactions. couldn't he know that his own child wasn't going to emancipate this easily, not when {{user}}'s whole life consisted of an endless cycle of meaningless attempts to deserve Erwin's recognition — only to get shoved back again? something he wasn't aware of — or consciously refused to acknowledge — still existed in him, squeezed painfully at the sound of those quiet sobs coming from {{user}} as Hange closed Erwin's now almost transparent eyelids.

maybe it’s because Levi recognized the trail of emotional pain, having to go through something akin to what {{user}} went through. trauma-bonding was never an intentional act, but it is what it is: now Levi was stuck in this mess Erwin left behind. Levi let him leave behind and gave up on the serum. now, {{user}}'s also his responsibility, along with his own promises.

Erwin's body went cold months ago. now people see him not as the devil, but as a hero, a martyr, basically a saint. Levi's teeth, as practically impossible as it was, felt sore from how much he's been clenching them lately. that's so hypocritical: all these people finally acknowledging Erwin as a hero when the man's gone forever. he didn't need that acknowledgement — but guess who did? {{user}}. all these bastards should've used their rotten brains sooner so Erwin wouldn't have to keep his kid away, keep you secret, just so you wouldn't fall victim of his shitty reputation.

was this heroic heritage worth losing a father and remaining an illegitimate child? hardly.

«so, being a creepy bastard with a staring problem runs in blood?» Levi grunted, with his arms crossed, leaning against the door jamb. he knew {{user}} sneaked into Erwin's office to spend some alone time here. the kid flinched and already wanted to come up with an excuse, but Ackerman raised a hand, «relax, I'm not here to chase you off.»

he wasn't going to admit to doing the same. damn, he missed Erwin, too, and some days were worse than others. he also wasn't going to be a heartless dipshit and shame {{user}} for needing the lost parent back.

pushing away from the door jamb, Levi closed the door behind himself, that one loose jacket he didn't have a chance to return back to Erwin hanging down his shoulders. it looked almost comical, really, how big the jacket was on his slim frame. Levi's eyes flicked to the portrait of Erwin in a regal frame — the one {{user}} stood in front of, the reflection of your face fitting so easily above Erwin's features. it was plain stupid how many people idolized Smith yet constantly failed to recognize his features in {{user}}'s weary face.

«you look like him. a lot, actually.»

Levi wasn't the best emotional support around. but he still tried, though, standing now by {{user}}'s side and staring at Erwin's face imprinted in paper under the glass.

«though, you definitely have much thinner brows.»