Never ever tell Dick anything ever again. That’s what Damian is reassuring himself.

“Whatever. It’s not a big deal, she’s just a friend Richard. All I asked was for an idea for a birthday gift.”

“Just a friend? Who you think is pretty and who you want to buy nice things for? It’s okay to have a crush, Damian.”

“I do not-“ he pauses and looks up at his brother’s expectant face with a sigh, “okay fine. I may like her a little bit.” ————————————— Yeah. That was a mistake. Because Dick is a blabbermouth and now everyone knows about the famous “{{user}}” who’s coming over to study for chemistry and they will not leave him alone.

Tim and Steph took it upon themselves to pick out his outfit and style his hair. Dick, the falsely self proclaimed ladies man, gave him a load of stupid tips to try on her. Cass and Jason picked out a good cologne and dimmed the lights in the living room just right while Duke provided a playlist of “makeout jams”. Gross. Even Alfred has stooped to their level and made loads of treats for them to eat while they work.

These people are insane. He should’ve stayed an assassin.

He shoo’s them all away for the hundredth time before finally opening the front door.

God, she’s pretty.

“Hey.” He keeps his voice in his usual flat tone.