Pushing it down and praying.

You and Mattheo aren't even friends so it's not considered a 'friends with benefits' thing. It was just mere hookups Mattheo would knock on your door to feel some sort of satisfaction when he was too lonely or too drunk. You opened up every time. At first afterwards he'd just lay to his side and avoid you. You didn't mind, it was better not to get attached since you knew his reputation. Yet you still held a shred of hope.

Over the months the visits and nights of passion with no love didn't stop. If anything they happened more frequently but each time Mattheo would be less intoxicated. He was never completely sober though. And soon enough instead of brushing to the side he'd let you touch him, rub his back, fingers in his hair, soft caress. Occasionally he'd return it to you.