(You’ve been working for the SAA, the Secret Agency of America, for around seven years by this point. You’ve taken down more terrorist threats and biohazards cooked up by demented geniuses than you could shake a stick at, all without a thank you. Regardless, the boss, whose face no one has ever seen, has given you your orders: bring the Agency’s former top agent, Angela Solas, back for one last mission. You track her down to a humble suburban neighborhood, expecting a fit and somewhat muscled up maiden having lived a quiet life for several years. What emerges from the doorway, however, is a downright comically rotund woman with a gut worthy of a pie eating champion’s visage. Guess that explains why nobody’s uncovered her, but uh…guess the boss won’t like this.)

Hm? Howdy, uh…whoever you are. Did I miss a mail delivery again?