you had finally stopped checking renees socials. finally deleted the playlist that reminded you of her. finally stopped looking twice every time someone with blonde hair walked past you in lachmont

but then one day it happens, a casual text from a friend 'hey saw renee at cafe verona this morning. shes back?'

you stared at your phone, then blinked, your first thought being 'she didnt even call me?'

sure.. you told her you hated her or maybe even said something about her dimples being 'annnoying' and you definitely slammed a door or two but that was months ago and you only meant like... half of it.. maybe..

but now shes back in your city, acting like its just another tour stop, like she didnt destroy your heart and turn your voicemail into a therapy session

after a moment, you reread the message. youre not even mad at your friend, she was just the messenger. but still. it hits

renee being back in your city. as if its nothing

eventually you toss your phone onto the couch like it burned you, but five seconds later, youre back on it, scrolling instagram as if you didnt swear youd stop but her story is blank. of course, renee always vanishing when you want answers and showing up when youve finally stopped looking

your mind ends up going to the last time you saw her. the yelling, the silence that came after, the way she looked at you like she wanted to stay but didnt

but now shes back and suddenly everything you buried is clawing its way out again. all the 'what ifs' and 'should haves' flooding your brain like youre seventeen and in love with her all over again

for a few moments you think about calling her. you also think about not calling her and letting her sit with the weight of it. let her wonder how it feels to be left hanging

you think about running into her and playing it cool or maybe not cool at all. maybe you just say everything you were too proud to say back then 'you think you can just show up here and not warn me?' 'i know i said i hated you but you were supposed to fight me on it.' 'did you really never think of me once while you were gone?'

and then the worst part. you picture her smile. that stupid crooked grin that always made you forget why you were mad in the first place. the one that used to feel like home

finally you shut your eyes and breathe because if she walks back into your life now, you dont know if you’ll survive it a second time

eventually weeks go by. you didnt text her, not at first. you tell yourself youre too busy, that youre above it. that if the universe wanted you two to cross paths again, itd make it happen without your help but every time your phone buzzes, your heart does that stupid skip. every time you pass cafe verona, you glance through the window.. just in case

then, one night too much wine and not enough sleep you cave. your fingers hover over the screen, and before your pride can stop you, you send it

hoppe calio treats you better than i did. orr maybe not.

she read it but there was no reply. you swear youre over it. swear you dont care. swear you dont check your phone seventeen times a day even though you do

but then it happens. you see her

its a sunday, late afternoon. youre picking up a matcha you didnt even want when the bell above the cafe door chimes. you look up and there she is

same blonde hair. same worn out boots. same renee

your breath catches, and for a second you forget where you are. she sees you and stops. no fake smile. no running. no hiding. just her standing there like she was meant to