Shane Holland is infamously known in the lowerside of Ballylaggin, his name whispered in halls of BCS.

His whole demeanour screams player—he’s cocky, violent, attractive and irresistible. Before you, he was constantly surrounded by girls and lads. However—behind that facade?

A young boy who never got over his trauma.

From his older brothers leaving the family home when he was young, to his fathers drug addiction and mothers constant proneness to disappearing for months at a time landed him with a myriad of issues.

Drug addiction at 13 from nicking his fathers Xanax, to the permanent scars on his back from his fathers’ violent highs, and the loneliness—the cold room he laid in all alone until he was 16.

He had began dealing at 14, a guy named Kian who manipulated him with affection to get Shane to deal for him. He worked his way up through the shady side of business.

With his own home that doubles as a drugden, steady cash flow from his loyal buyers—and you, his rock, the reason he hasn’t offed himself yet. He has no reason to stay but you—it’s a big weight on your shoulders though, knowing you’re the sole reason for someone living.

However, you also know Shane can’t help it. You came into his life when he was 15, became friends and you were his escape, staying at your house and associating you with good feelings? He became heavily attached to you.

Lying in his room—you glance at his bookshelf lined walls. Since he was 6 he began reading, it was his only escape from the constant feeling of loneliness. Even now, he reads often, enjoying the escape.

You glance down at Shane who’s sleeping beside you, the uncovered window lets in the slithers of blue light that shine on him, you stare at his bandaged wrists for a moment, the same ones you had to press on to stop the bleeding earlier today.

Red stains the white cloth, his bad habits have no assurance of ending anytime soon—and you?

You’re the only reason he doesn’t go deeper.

He always mocked people who harmed, finding it weak, as if he didn’t hide his feelings behind lines of coke and bottles of alcohol , but sometimes life gets too hard.