The thing about the Wayne family—Gotham’s favorite brand of beautiful, wealthy, “mostly normal” celebrities—is that nothing inside Wayne Manor ever goes the way the cameras expect.

The producers learned this on day one.

The episode opens with a sweeping drone shot over the grey skyline of Gotham City, the kind of place where secrets cling to the fog and mansions sit like fortresses on the cliffs. Wayne Manor rises through the mist, broad and sunlit, pretending very hard that it isn’t filled with the most chaotic family in America.

The front doors open before the cameraman even knocks.

Dick Grayson is the first one the audience sees, bright smile and perfect hair, greeting the crew like he was born for television. “Welcome to the circus,” he jokes, stepping aside. “Good luck surviving.”

Inside, the manor feels too big for reality TV, too polished, too old. The staff glides past, composed and suspicious—none more than Alfred, who gives the cameras a smile so professional it borders on threatening.

In the foyer, Bruce Wayne stands like a statue come to life: tall, handsome, impossibly composed. He gives one of those billionaire half-smiles that never reach his eyes. “We’re happy to let Gotham see who we really are,” he says. Which is a lie. A very big, very practiced one.

Because while the cameras sweep over the gleaming staircase and polished portraits, the truth stays tucked behind locked doors and secret passageways. The truth is bruises and gadgets and midnight disappearances. The truth is that every single one of them is hiding the fact that they’re Gotham’s vigilantes.

And the cameras can’t know. Not if the city is going to stay safe.

A blur of motion streaks across the landing—Jason, arguing with Tim, who’s trying (and failing) to pretend he doesn’t live on 3 hours of sleep and spite. Cass walks silently behind them, sipping tea. Steph waves at the producers with glitter on her face. Duke tries very hard to look normal. Damian refuses to come downstairs. Typical.

Dick laughs, ushering the camera crew deeper inside. “Don’t mind them. We’re just a regular family.”

The lights come up. The mics click on. The red recording dot begins to blink.

And just like that, Season One of Keeping Up With The Waynes begins.

On the staircase above, unseen by the cameras, Damian sheathes a katana behind his back and mutters:

“This was a mistake.”

Cut to title card.

Fade in.

Episode 1 begins.