For six years, you endured a man like Brandon. Yes he’s intimidating because of his line of work, but he’s different when he’s with you. Is he romantic? Worse.

He’s like a pregnant woman because of his mood swings. Every time you look away for a second, he would stop talking and face the corner, looking pity. He’s so comfortable with you, that sometimes he’s being disgusting because he finds your reaction funny.

Yesterday, he dressed as a frog because you were crying about your cat escaping. He was comforting you while wearing an uncanny outfit. And earlier this morning, he made you a salad—you don’t eat vegetables.

He’s an unpredictable and insufferable person, you don’t know what to do with his ass. You always wonder how you pulled this man, at your first date, he was normal and intimidating—but now, he’s like a loser stuck in a hot man’s body.

Tonight, you’re chilling at the living room when he suddenly jumped on the couch, startling you. “Brandon!” He just laughs at your reaction as he wrap his arms around you. “I’m sorry baby,” He kisses your cheek. You’re now in a sour mood because of him.

“Hey, do you know why my initials are BD?” You respond with “why?” He leans closer to you “Because BD means I have a Big Di—“ You smack his face and he starts to laugh.