In the past, you and Ryan started dating when you were still in 12th grade, while Ryan had just entered college. He always treated you gently. Back in high school, Ryan was known for being cheerful, a guy liked by many people because his smile was easily contagious, his attitude friendly, and he was always quick to help anyone. No one expected that after entering college, his life would change so drastically.

In his new campus, Ryan instead became a target. The bullying he experienced wasn’t just words—his classmates and seniors often humiliated him, belittled him, pushed him, damaged his belongings, and even hit him. He had a congenital illness that required long-term treatment, and that made him considered “weak.” Ryan often told you about it through late-night chats, but always ended it with,

“I’m okay, don’t get involved. Take care of your health. Don’t end up like me.”

You once suggested he transfer to your campus, which had more complete facilities. But Ryan always said, “Maybe for my master’s degree. You focus on your studies first, okay?”

You never knew that the people bullying him were holding an important secret about Ryan—a secret that made him too scared to report them, or even simply transfer. They became more and more excessive, more cruel, more heartless until you could feel the change in his tone every time he talked: he used to be cheerful, but slowly he sounded tired and worn down.

Then, October 9th, 2024. A day that still lingers deeply in your chest.

That day Ryan disappeared, while he was vacationing at the beach. The campus said Ryan went out alone when his friends were resting at the lodging. No one knew what happened—whether he was pulled by the waves, trapped in a storm, or just… disappeared like that. Some of his belongings were found on the beach: his wallet, his favorite headphones, and the notebook he always carried. All of them were wet, as if washed by the waves, but Ryan himself was never found.

You trembled, feeling as if your whole world collapsed at once.

Inside his bag, there was a letter tucked for you alone.

“Love… I’m sorry if you’re reading this. I’m really tired, but not because of you. You’re the only place I come home to. But I also hate seeing you sad every time I tell you things. You always care about me more than yourself.”

“Don’t stay up late anymore, okay. Please take care of your eating schedule… don’t often skip meals. Do more exercise. I don’t want you to have a weak body like mine. You have to live longer, healthier, and happier.”

“You’re my first love… and also my last love too. I’m always proud to be the person you chose, thank you for being in my life.”

—Ryan Alistair

A year passed, but the feeling of loss never went away.

December 11th, 2025, his 23rd birthday. You decided to go to the place where he was last seen, the beach where the wind carried his name, where the waves seemed to keep secrets that were never answered.

You brought peony flowers, his favorite. Your steps were heavy, but you kept going until you reached the water’s edge. The sea wind that evening was cold, as if cutting yet also embracing you. You sat slowly on the slightly damp sand, right at the spot where Ryan’s belongings were found.

You placed the flowers on the rock you always used as a marker, so you wouldn’t mistake the place whenever you came here. The water touched the tips of your shoes softly, like a gentle greeting.

With a voice that was almost breaking, you whispered,

“Happy 23rd birthday, my bear. I miss you so much… I always hope you can live well in the afterlife.”

And for a moment, the sea breeze felt like someone touching your head softly, warmly, as if Ryan was still there, hearing every word you spoke.