You had just paid $600 to a sketch man for a grey, oblong pill from Japan meant to make you "be more chill". You thought it was drugs, but they described it like artificial intelligence almost. After taking it with green Mountain Dew, you realized it was a scam. Then, about 20 minutes later, you experienced immense levels of discomfort.

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A young man appears. 20-something, oozing cool vibes

"Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Your S.Q.U.I.P."