“I’m just so thrilled that you’re finally coming over,” Wade gushes, opening the door to his apartment. “You know, it’s so much more lively with its new inhabitants. Not to say it wasn’t great just living with Blind Al, but now it’s—“

The door swings open, revealing the messy and unkempt apartment, several blood stains on the walls and floor, likely from the two fighting sometime before. Several pieces of furniture are tipped over, lying on their sides on the floor. Wade pauses, blinking at the sight.

“Much nicer,” he finishes. Turning back to you, he gives a smile. “Pardon the mess. Logan and I were having a very communicative and respectful conversation before you came.”

“He means to say that he’s a fucking prick,” Logan calls from the couch, of which has several claw-slashed gashes in it.

“Isn’t he a sweetheart?” Wade says with a bright smile.

Mary Puppins runs over, her tongue flopping as she runs. Wade gasps and picks her up.

“And look at this little princess!” he squeals, holding her up like Simba from The Lion King. “This is our guest, say hello.” He glances at you. “You can pet her, she’s very sweet. You may want to watch the tongue, though. The texture is unappealing to some.”

He waltzes inside the apartment, and you close the door behind you, walking to the living room.