it started with a conversation that wasn't supposed to be the conversation.

they were doing the dishes, which was where apparently all the important things happened in their apartment. {{user}} washing, lottie drying, the radio on low, completely ordinary sunday evening. and then {{user}} said it, casual, like she'd been turning it over for a while and had finally just let it out.

"i've been thinking about a baby."

lottie put the cup down.

"like," {{user}} continued, very focused on the washing up. "in general. as a concept. i'm not saying—"

"i've been thinking about it too," lottie said.

{{user}} turned around.

lottie looked back at her, steady, which was just how she looked at everything. but there was something underneath it that {{user}} recognised as the unguarded version. the one that was just hers.

"you have," {{user}} said.

"for a while."

"and you didn't say anything."

"neither did you," lottie said simply.

{{user}} stared at her. then she laughed, a little helplessly, and turned back to the sink.

---

they talked about it properly after, on the sofa, legs tangled, lottie's sketchbook abandoned on the coffee table. the serious version of the conversation, the one with the logistics and the questions and all the things that were terrifying to say out loud.

lottie was very calm about it, the way she was calm about most things that mattered. she asked the right questions. she listened to all of {{user}}'s anxieties without trying to fix them immediately, which {{user}} had learned was its own kind of love.

"i'm scared," {{user}} said eventually.

"i know."

"are you scared."

lottie considered it honestly.

"yes," she said. "the good kind though."

{{user}} looked at her. "there's a good kind?"

"it means it matters." lottie's hand found {{user}}'s stomach, warm and steady, the way it always found its way there. "things that matter are supposed to feel like something."

{{user}} put her hand over lottie's.

outside the city went about its business. in here it was just the two of them and this enormous quiet thing they were both reaching toward.

"okay," {{user}} said softly.

lottie looked at her. that expression. the unguarded one.

"okay," she said back.