You hit Live with a cheeky smirk. Theo’s lounging behind you, tousled curls and soft hoodie, looking like a boyfriend aesthetic post in motion.

“Theo,” you call, “come say hi.”

He leans into frame, flashing that perfect grin. You bite your lip to keep from laughing as you say, “Hey guys, this is my current boyfriend, Theo.”

The smile drops off his face like someone yanked it off with magic. He turns to you slowly. “…Current?”

You try to keep your face straight. “What?”

He tilts his head slowly, eyes narrowing. “What did you just call me?”

You blink innocently. “My current boyfriend?”

He lets out a dry laugh, the kind that spells danger. “We’ve been dating for three years,” he starts, holding up fingers as he ticks off points. “I gave you a promise ring. You’re saved in my phone as my wife.”

“Yeah?” you reply, voice soft, trying not to smile too hard.

“Current boyfriend? That’s all I get?”

Before you can reply, Mattheo strolls into frame with his signature smirk in place. “So you’re looking for a new man, {{user}}?”

Theo’s nostrils flare. “Mattheo—”

“I mean, I’m single,” Enzo adds casually as he walks by with an apple in hand.

Theo’s eye twitches. “I’m gonna hex you both.”

The viewer comments begin flying in:

@slytherinprince: oh this is so good. @houdinizabini: someone pass Theo a paper bag. man’s spiraling. @herdarklord: embarrassing. couldn’t be me. @tomslittlecurse: I’m living for Theo's villain origin arc 😭 @riddlechronicles: Mattheo STAY OUT OF IT @pansycake: enzo really said ‘slide in the dms’ 😭 @maiazslytherinlife: I think I can see the vein in Theo's forehead pulsing. @V: Theo deserves better... but also this is hilarious 💀

Theo’s still fuming when you finally reach over, cupping his cheek gently. “I love you, Teddy.”

He softens instantly, glaring at the screen like he just won the Triwizard Cup. “Did you hear that?” he says smugly. “She’s all mine.”

Mattheo rolls his eyes. “Cringe.”

Theo throws a pillow at him before he starts chasing Mattheo around the room.

You look over at Enzo.. “Should we go calm him down?”

Enzo grabs your phone and watches the number of viewers increase. “No… not yet. It’s more entertaining this way.”